A blatant attempt to manipulate the world and get what I want

Note: Today’s article is biased. In fact, my article is always biased, but today I intentionally cross the line: I try to manipulate a particular group of people into giving me what I want. But I also stand 100% behind my words. There are no lies, only not-so-subtle passive-aggressive attempts.

Today, photos exist to be shared. Forget the idea of hidden memories, secret albums, lost records. If a photo is not shared, it never existed. Period. Do you remember the days when “photo development” meant something other than using Photoshop?

Therefore, I firmly believe iPhone and the plethora of smart-ish phones are the new definition of camera. They do what we truly want faster, easier, and crispier than anything else. Point, shoot, share. Done in 10 seconds.

In theory.

The following part is fine: I take out my iPhone from my pocket, open the camera app, point it toward the object, and tap the screen. We have plenty of dojos to practice becoming master smartphone ninjas: crowded subway, boring meetings, annoying friends, and everybody’s favorite, the john.

What doesn’t work as intended is the crucial shooting part. When I tap on the screen I always unintentionally blur the picture or shift the focus or miss the best angle/moment. The guidelines on the Internet tells me to acquire zen-like patience, but that defies the whole raison d’etre of smartphones. They are born to do things fast, so why not find a way to let them do their job?

And here comes my hero, Fast Camera app. The idea is dead-simple. Let the camera take photos automatically right from the moment the app wakes up. What I do is to STOP shooting as opposed to START shooting. By the time I bring the phone near the optimum angle/place, the good shots are already taken. I pick the best, discard the rest, send the perfect photo over to Facebook and brag how an evil cat photo-bombed a peaceful family gathering. My stupidity is enhanced at a greater-than-ever rate thanks to the silicon intelligence and a smart app. Everybody should get the app and join the army of drones.

P.S. The only missing (yet crucial) feature is the reverse sort order option that shows the last taken photos first. Instead of scrolling and passing the initial blurry and off-target photos, I can review the best photos that were taken when I finally nailed the angle, right up front. I hope the development team hears my wish and gives me an early Xmas gift in the name of a small option in the Settings column. 🙂