Monthly Archives: January 2012

Things to Do in Desperateville When You’re Dead 2/2

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Continuing from the previous thread…

3. Get high by knowing how low you are.

The holy grail, the forbidden fruit, the last Highlander of our mental health, is Know Thyself. Well, I still don’t know who I am, but I know where I am: at the bottom. The moment I am in my lowest state is also when I can see my naked self. Ground zero is where everything starts.
Do this: Narrate your actions and emotions in third person point of view as you wade through your shitty days: “Isao ate a six-pack of Toblerone chocolate and played Doom II for 5 hours and hated himself for not changing at all from 1990.”
Advanced level: Really, really want to know who you are? Make this list: 10 reasons why I hate (name someone). Then change his or her name into yours. There you are.

4. Leave the problem alone, but never lose sight of it.

A worry never goes away. I can shut my mental curtain for a while, but soon or later she will peek her head in. She is just there, all the time. Worries should be treated like an evil dog or spoiled kid: If I face it directly, or on the flip side, turn my back on it, a disaster will ensue. What I have to do is to keep it at the corner of my eyes and slowly walk (work) around.
Do this: Push the issue at hand to the peripheral of your mental space until your feet get numb and your stomach gets 20% heavier than usual; you can always feel the issue, but it does not hamper your ability to move.
Advanced level: Finish a small task before the end of the day so that you can say “At least I have done this.” Then go home, eat tasty (=unhealthy) food and go to bed early in a good mood. Your internal oompa-loompa will keep working on the problem and when you wake up, you’ll get a hint at how to tackle the issue at hand (without getting bitten).

5. When your trusted lieutenant says “Nobody move,” it’s time to move.

Depression is resistance to change. My body enters hibernation by ridding power from my limbs so that I won’t move around, and provides me with an abundance of mental food—I toy with my worries in endless loops. I know that my body is doing what it thinks it’s best for me from past experience, which means my childhood. But that’s older than Windows 1.0. And I am worried that my Windows XP at my work is too outdated to do my job? Look who’s talking.
Do this: Get up and talk with other people. But hold on—focus on clarifying what the issue is about, not solving it. Knowing what the issue is about is 80% of the battle.
Advanced level: Make sure that your hobby—your escape zone—does not completely consist of solitary or immobile affairs. Go to an event, watch movies with your friend, or go to a yoga class. What you need is to reach out, and it’s easier to do in your leisure time.

6. Screw the list.

Writing things down is about moving old information out of my head to create room for the new. Now that I have created this list, it’s likely that I won’t remember these lessons anymore, unless I become desperate and look them up. So there is nothing left in my head? I think it’s easy if there’s only one. Here it is: breathe (courtesy of Sasha Cobra). It’s not the unconscious oxygen intake movement I do to survive, or the S.O.S breathing technique I practice for 5 minutes before entering a tough meeting with my boss. It’s somewhere in the middle: a natural yet deep breath that pushes my diaphragm down and my belly out when inhaling and clears my entire intestine and lets go of tension when exhaling. It’s a habit that should stick with you regardless of your emotional or physical state to help you sync with your core self at any time.
Do this: What, do I need to say it again?
Advanced level: Legend has it that once you master breathing you’ll become enlightened.

That’s it. What’s astonishing about this list is that it took nearly four decades to compile. Damn, I am slow.

 

Street dance redefined

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My prediction on Year 2012: The coming atrocity against humanity will be titled Police Academy 10: Back To School amid the tsunami of movie remakes/sequels. One way to save us from annihilation is to cast this guy for the we-know-who role.

Weekly Update: Jan29, 2012

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Below is the highlight from my weekly activities on the web.

Blog

Tales from the Net

Quotes

  • "Don’t say you were a bit confused and sort of tired and a little depressed and somewhat annoyed. Be confused. Be tired. Be depressed. Be annoyed."
  • (“I was getting a haircut the other day and I saw your article”). I mention this as a reminder that far more periodical reading is done under the dryer than under the reading lamp, so there isn’t much time for the writer to fool around."
  • "Trying to add style is like adding a toupee. At first glance the formerly bald man looks young and even handsome. But at second glance—and with a toupee there’s always a second glance—he doesn’t look quite right. The problem is not that he doesn’t look well groomed; he does, and we can only admire the wigmaker’s skill. The point is that he doesn’t look like himself."
    — William Zinsser, On Writing Well

Insights

  • I am definitely not the only one who believes The Hunger Games is about the annual hot dog eating contest to choose the next global leader.
  • Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach. No, I am not talking about teachers. I am talking about consultants, economists, and psychics.
  • I suspect doctors prescribe excessive pills not only for receiving subsidies but also because they actively rely on placebo effects.

Things to Do in Desperateville When You’re Dead 1/2

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We all experience the Jerry Maguire moment; one day we wake up in the wee hours intuiting that our lives have lost direction and will be wasted. We jot down what is missing, for 25 pages, in two hours.

 

The 4:00am manifesto instantly cheers us up. But later, when we look it up during our sober time to enjoy the same gravity-defying high, we experience withdrawal symptoms instead. “Can’t believe I wrote this,” we mumble, thank god we haven’t shared it with anyone, toss our scribbles into the garbage can and get back to our daily melancholy.

Usually there is nothing wrong with what’s written. The problem is in what’s not: the follow-up to our grand vision, the action items. Without them, the list is just an ideal, a dream, the “big picture.” Filled with hot air, the list’s only direction is up. And when it reaches a certain height, the initial breath of fresh air turns into an unbearable suffocation, leading to downfall. To keep an idea at a sustainable height, a matching weight is required so that it calms us down as much as lightens us up. Only then a piece of encouragement becomes doable, as in “Bird by Bird” by Anne Lamott.

Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he’d had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out in our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother’s shoulder, and said, “Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.”

What follows is my attempt to create a list of doable encouragements, the recipe of a universal drug that works as an upper because it was drafted during dark hours, and also as a downer because it was reviewed during sunny days. It (should) lift me up when I am low and smack me down when I am high. I hope it offers some insights for you too.

1. A day contains both darkness and brightness.

 I found out I get stuck in a low state for less time than I used to think, which seemed forever. Practically, I oscillate between “high” and “low” at least once a day. Just because I begin a day woken up by dreaming of The Lottery by Shirley Jackson doesn’t mean I’ll psychologically experience the same fate.
Do this: Hold the temptation to call the office for sick leave. Instead, leave the apartment on time as usual, as long as your body will move. Bird by bird, buddy. And remember the opposite is also true: When everything looks all right, it’s likely because you’re in a high mood. Enjoy the moment but know it’s going to end.
Advanced level: Keep track of your state no matter how you feel. That will not only give you the power to survive the low moments, but also make your future depression forecast more accurate.

2. Your routine saves you from getting numb.

Being mentally healthy does not mean I am always centered, but means I can center myself. Mental health is no longer a matter of status, which is the result, but a matter of action, which is the beginning. Then how do I begin? By maintaining the small daily routines that help me pull myself together. They keep me grounded and provide me with the pivotal point to turn around.
Do this: Take the shower, wear clean clothes, read books on your commute, thank the bus driver, play the piano (ouch), write, and breathe deeply. Every day.
Advanced level: Have one ritual you cannot lose no matter what. It’s the one that gives you the biggest headache and regret when you miss it. For me, as you might know by now, it is writing.

To be continued…