Being different

I decided to blog with a rhythm, Japanese – English – Chinese. As long as the topic allows, I will try to maintain this routine.

These days I think a lot about what I am going to do in this life. I am 30 years old and still haven’ t figured out my future (hey, it should be “present” )career. My current job is to work as a bridge between Japaenese and other Asian customer and the engineers in Israel, Ireland, and United States. It is difficult to define this kind of job. It is not a pure sales, nor a pure engineering. It is not Marketing either. (I do not have any idea what the marketing is for : well, at first those titles looked facsinating when I was looking for a job posting 3 years ago. It sounded cool, cutting-edge, and looked easy (no need to get your hands dirty). And since then I have seen some “marketing” guys, my illusion has faded away. Look, if you are seriously in the job, everybody has to make their hands dirty. And since the term “marketing” is not still common in Japan, every those guys seems to have difficulty doing their jobs: they have to explain to everybody what they are doing before starting the task, and most people regard the marketing position as cool, but actually looks down on them. (Do we need this guy who doesn’t bring money nor product to us? Long-term strategy? Come on, we’ll be out of cash supply while discussing these useless plans) That’s tough, although I have no simpathy for the marketing team.
OK, so I am still in the rather vague position. Every time I think of my job, something told me I am just escaping from choosing my path: keep the option wide open and be ready to move to the next step (the “real me” syndrome, some might call). This is true, if not the whole. But I have another thought this few days. Being in the middle, or not belonging to a fixed state, might be my way of living.
I have always been a kind of “outsider” in every society I had to live in. When I was five my family moved to Taiwan and we spent 1 year there. After a brief stint in Japan then we went to Malta, the lovely yet boring island in Mediterranean sea. (OK, for a Japanese kid who doesn’t speak English and surrounded by native Maltese who sometimes doesn’t even know where Japan is, it was very, very far away from “boring”.) When I came back I was 8 years old, never having a formal education in Japanese. People call me “Kikoku-Shijyo”.
I was a stranger throughout this overseas period, literally yes, and since most of my identity has been formed out there, I continued being a stranger in Japan as well. I guess I still am, though I got a bit better at coping with Japanese culture. When I was a kid, I was bullied. When I was student, I was one of the “weird” guys. When I started working, I couldn’t do any reasonable level of jobs(this has much, much less to do with cultural difference, I admit. No excuse, but I still don’t think that was purely because of my general inablitity).
Whatever the reason is, I never felt I belong to somewhere although I always wished. When I found out that “being different” is one of my important personality, it is weird but I felt like I found my place. To be different, might be my place, where I belong.
I haven’t made the decision on my career yet (and there is a very good chance I persue my current job) and I will make it no later than one year from now, but this personality will be one of the key elements in making this decision.